Reunion
by Kelral Orlyana
Summary: Normally dying meant the end of everything, it meant eternal peace. Normally. But one unfortunate Tok'ra is about to find out that life and death doesn't always work out the way it is meant to.
1. Terror

Author: Kelral Orlyana

Title: Reunion

Category: Stargate SG1 x Red Dead Redemption

Rating: Currently a T… may change as story progresses.

Pairing: None

Spoilers: The Tok'ra (Part 1 and 2) but very little of Red Dead Redemption will be revealed (perhaps a few characters but nothing more...)

Warning: Contains angst, mild battle scenes and mentions abuse and cruelty…though it is very mild.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Red Dead Redemption and make no profit posting this story.

_Italics represent symbiote and host communication. _

* * *

Chapter 1: Terror

_Ah, Good morning Kirinian. _

Kirinian froze as the voice filled his mind. It couldn't be… he was dead; he had been destroyed with the tunnels. He should be dead! This, it couldn't be real. Why could he feel his body? He shouldn't be able to feel his body! Hell, he shouldn't even be aware! He was dead! Unless…Unless this was the afterlife, but if so why was…. It had been found and killed. But why… who… what put it back inside him. Did he really deserve this? Were his actions in life so… so evil that he deserved this hell?

_Kirinian._

The voice, it sounded concerned but arrogant. Just like the Cordesh he knew. Realisation slowly hit him; his heart shuddered as he took in uneven breaths. Cordesh was back, he… it was inside of him… But the… it had left him! It had killed another of its kind and taken the others host… him…it couldn't be back…

_No…no…no…._It couldn't be… This was just one long horrible nightmare… but he shouldn't be having nightmares. He was dead. It was over. No more pain, no more suffering… _Please… no…_

_Kirinian. _

The voice was full of worry but Kirinian knew the thing inside of him wasn't worried in the slightest. It never cared about anything but itself. As long as it had a body to control nothing else mattered. He clenched his eyes shut, his head hurt, he hugged his knees to himself as if trying to hold himself together. It wasn't working. The terror inside him grew as he felt something move inside of him. He shivered and hugged himself tighter. _No…no…no…no… _He whispered begging all that were listening to tell him this wasn't real…

_Kirinian. _

The voice was quieter and Kirinian froze in terror. Whenever the parasite went quiet it was a warning sign, he clenched his eyes shut as tightly as he could, his hands slid to his forehead waiting. But pain did not follow. Instead of calming him, it scared him to death. Bile rose to his throat, he was going to vomit, he was going to be sick…His heart pounded in his chest as if trying to break through his rib cage… what was the creature planning?

_It's alright. _

Kirinian shuddered as he felt the parasite trying to…to what! Comfort him?! _It's just a trick… _He whispered hugging himself as tightly as he could. He couldn't trust the creature. He wouldn't. Why had he agreed to be a host? He could have mated and had children. He would be dead by now, but at least he would have been free and not so alone. Tears streamed down his face and his breath left him unsteadily. But he had agreed to house the beast… and he regretted it ever since… They told him, they said he was Tok'ra. They said he shared with his host… they told him that all hosts were free and loved and cared for. Cordesh was so kind, so loving. He should have known something was wrong, he should have known that Cordesh was not as they said. The parasite had bided his time and some years later he made it clear who was in control and what Kirinian was to him. He was just a host, cattle ready for slaughter… his body was Cordesh's and he had no say. He remembered screaming, trying to call out for help but it had mocked him and even acted as if it was him to keep suspicion off him, pretending Kirinian was free.

_Kirinian. _

It was acting concerned; the beast was actually pretending to care. He chuckled, his laughter hysterical even to his ears. His body felt strange and it took him a moment to realise he was rocking. He couldn't think, he… it was inside of him… it was really inside of him… _Go away, go away._

_No._

The creature hadn't even hesitated to reply. Even in the afterlife he was its prisoner. He was so alone, so very alone. _Please… someone help…_He prayed but he knew no one was listening, there were no Gods… There was no afterlife only hell after hell. _I can't… please no…_

_Kirinian…_

It was talking to him but he couldn't hear, he didn't want to hear. He shook with terror. _I… no…I can't…_He pleaded. The cold voice was ordering him, telling him to do something but he couldn't obey, his body was shaking and he couldn't…didn't want to move… _It's in me…it's really in me…_His heart stopped, he couldn't breathe. Did he really want to breathe? Did he really want to continue this… this afterlife with it inside of him? The choice was taken from him as his heart started to beat without his permission, he tried to move only to find he wasn't in control. The beast had taken his body. This was just the start! He was its property, he was stuck with it. He could only pray that the afterlife had no sarcophagus. _Oh God… _He thought, he knew he'd be vomiting and crying if he was in control, he was… he was a prisoner. He had no free-will, the beast will take it from him again and punish him just for thinking. He could feel the creature trying to talk to him, it was probably mocking him but he could not hear, he didn't want to here. The creature had humiliated him enough.

_Oh God no…_He whispered memories rising to the surface, he remembered the creature mocking his bodies basic needs, laughing as he roughly handled his host's body. Relieving himself had been humiliating. Cordesh had laughed as he relieved his host's body, mocking Kirinian until even the host hated his own body. _I can't…I don't… _Darkness clouded his vision, he felt the parasites mind grow in strength, and he mentally tried to back away from the strong creature. He knew any escape effort was fruitless but he could escape reality for as long as he could. The welcome darkness of unconsciousness welcomed him and he happily slipped into it ignoring the creatures mocking calls.

_Kirinian… are you ready to listen? _

He shuddered trying to get away from the voice only to realise that he couldn't. It was everywhere and yet nowhere. He didn't want to hear that voice ever again. It was over… it had to be… he wanted to be free…. He was free.

_Of course you are._

The voice was gentle but Kirinian knew it was mocking him. He was not free, not as long as it was inside of him. Why couldn't he stay unconscious? The parasite could have his body, as long as he wasn't in it… if he died mentally then the creature could have what it wanted… but he didn't know how to achieve what he wanted… the only other option was to make Cordesh leave but the parasite would never leave… He was trapped.

_Kirinian, listen to me… _

The creature wanted him to obey, he didn't want to… he wanted to escape but he couldn't escape… the creature was in control over everything, his body, his mind, his freedom. It was over… it had been over the moment the creature had been inside of him. He… there was no escape.

_Listen to me. _

He didn't want to… He didn't want to… Why couldn't the creature leave him alone, it had what it wanted. It had his body and he would not fight it. He couldn't. He had no power and no strength. He was giving up, wasn't that what the creature wanted?

_No, it is not what I want._

He froze as pure unadulterated terror filled him. What more could the creature want? He had nothing else to give. The creature was in his body. Hell! It was in his mind! It not only had control of his body, it also had control of his knowledge and memories, it could even induce pain to torture him. What else did it want? _Leave me alone. Just leave me alone! _He all but begged.

_I cannot._

Of course it could not! The creature had to remind him it was inside his head. The creature would never leave alone not as long as it was inside him.

_I'm not leaving. _

Well asking it to change hosts was not going to happen. He was trapped, stuck and alone. He wanted to shiver, curl up and die but the parasite had control and all he could do was mentally shudder and sob. The creature's mind was everywhere around him preventing him from slipping back into consciousness without its permission. It was even controlling his sleep now! _What do you want?_ He asked, he could hear the terror and desperation in his voice, it was probably amusing Cordesh to no end to hear his host's fear.

_It does not amuse me… not anymore… it never did._

Kirinian snorted before shivering expecting pain but receiving none. The creature was always amused, always laughing at him, always judging and mocking. He had no idea what game the creature wanted to play but he wanted no part of it. He wanted out. _You've got everything you wanted from me! Just leave me alone! _

_It is not about what I want from you…_

_Then what! _Kirinian cried out in frustration and fear. Why was the parasite tormenting him? Why was it doing this?

_I need your help…_

Kirinian snorted. Now he knew the creature was mocking him. As if the parasite really wanted the host's help. The host's duty was to stay quiet and to be forgotten by everyone and mocked by his parasite.

_I was wrong when I said that._

_Sure. _Kirinian snorted in disbelief . Cordesh was pretending to care, pretending like he had when they had first joined. The Tok'ra called it blending and at the time Kirinian agreed but now he knew what it really was. A violation and innocent hosts unaware of what was truly happening, went along with it. But if this was so, why did many hosts have the free will to speak and why did they speak so fondly of their 'symbiotes'? Kirinian had no fond words to speak for Cordesh, but he could not speak, Cordesh would not let him and every time he felt hate he was punished, so he felt only regret, fear and terror.

_I'm sorry._

Kirinian paused. The parasite never said sorry. It was beneath him to apologise to his host. His host did not deserve any apologies or freedom, he was an object, a tool, a possession. This joke of Cordesh's was going too far.

_It's no joke._

_Of course not. Joking with your host is beneath you. I meant mocking…_Kirinian snarled in reply before backing away from his parasites mind expecting punishment but the creature's mind did not even retaliate.

_I deserve that. _

The parasite deserved worse than that… much worse. But Kirinian had no power and no way to punish the creature, he could only suffer in silence. He mentally sighed, he had to obey he had no choice… no free will. _What…How can I help you?_ He asked softly, keeping his tone and mind submissive, he did not want to push the creature's limits.

_We both died and yet we are aware of each other. We have to find out where we are and if there is a way back…_

_But this is the afterlife… I've heard of no one coming back once they pass on. _

_That is true, but we do not know where here is… this could be something else altogether, like an alternate reality or another dimension._

_Then what do we do._

_We'll work that out once we know where we are. _

Kirinian sent his acceptance to the parasite, though the creature did not need it, it could do what it liked, but it helped Kirinian feel more in control. He watched as the parasite opened his body's eyes and looked around. They were on a bed which felt soft, gentle and bouncy. The coverings were brown, a very nice chocolate brown. His clothes were clearly pyjamas of some sort, they were made of soft silk and they were a dark blue. _Someone has been taking care of us…_He thought.

_It seems so. _

Kirinian hesitated unused to Cordesh answering him, he couldn't… he didn't have the strength, bravery or heart to speak to the parasite so instead he continued to observe the room. The four walls around them were cream, the carpet was also pale, a pale peach to be exact. Beside the right side of the bed was two wooden ornaments, one was a desk and the other a chest of drawers. The door that allowed exit and entrance from the room was on the right side and in the corner. There was a wardrobe to the left, settled into the corner. A large curtain along the left wall blocked his sight of the window. _It seems to be personal quarters._

_But there is nothing personal inside… it's empty._

Kirinian didn't answer the parasite and Cordesh did not expect an answer. Instead the creature controlled his body making it rise from the bed and search the chest of drawers the first drawer held briefs, the second had a few shirts and the third had a couple of pairs of jeans. The parasite quickly changed from the silk pyjamas. He checked the wardrobe and found some boots his host's size and slipped them on. After the parasite had dressed his body it left the room glancing around to find anyone. The house was eerily empty but unlike the room they had come from the rest of the house was well used. The carpets were divided between chocolate brown and pale peaches. The walls were painted creams and then decorated with paintings and photographs. Dark wood ornaments decorated the hallways and rooms and ornaments stood proudly upon them. Kirinian was curious as to who lived here but did not express his curiosity, he had no right to ask, nor did he want to ask the parasite.

Cordesh walked carefully around the building watching doorways with his host's eyes. _I wonder who lives here. _The parasite stated expressing Kirinian's private thoughts, Kirinian didn't answer though, didn't want to or need to. Once he had finished helping the nervous parasite it would go back to mocking and 'punishing' him. The parasite sighed with what Kirinian thought was annoyance but allowed him to keep quiet. _It is eerily quiet. _The parasite continued trying to start a conversation, Kirinian had no idea why the creature wanted to talk to him but he would not play along. The creature sighed with frustration as they found what appeared to be the 'front' door. Cordesh cautiously opened the door and made Kirinian's body gasp in shock. There on the ground, dead were three men dressed similar to how Kirinian was now dressed. Jeans, boots and shirts, they had weapons similar to the Tau'ri laying around them. There had obviously been a fight and they had been at the losing end. _Were these the people who helped us? _The parasite asked.

_I do not know. _Kirinian replied quietly as the parasite guided his body to test the men's pulses. There was none and Cordesh sighed. _Looks like you're on your own. _Kirinian replied.

_We… we're on our own._ Cordesh replied, Kirinian sighed confused, why was the parasite trying to be nice, Cordesh had made it very clear that he thought very little of his host. _I… _Whatever the parasite was going to say was abruptly stopped as a gunshot hit the floor inches from his body's foot. Cordesh grabbed one of the guns and leapt back behind the building. _We need to work this primitive weapon and quickly. _

_You need to work that primitive weapon. _Kirinian replied quietly as gunshots hit the wall behind them. Cordesh sighed but quickly worked out how to work the weapon, he made Kirinian's body slip back round the side of the building and opened fire on his attackers. Two out of three attackers fell instantly but the last took almost all the ammo out of the gun. When the man finally fell Cordesh quickly gathered their weapons and ammo before retreating back into the building.

_Right where does the ammo go… _Cordesh muttered fiddling with the weapon. Kirinian said nothing, just watched emotionlessly as the parasite worked the primitive weapon. Though honestly he wondered why they called it 'primitive', Cordesh was struggling with it and it clearly did the job. Finally the parasite came to the realisation of how to reload and soon had the weapons armed. _Now we need to get out of here._

_You need to get out of here. _Kirinian corrected. _I don't exist, remember. _

_I did not mean that. _Cordesh replied but Kirinian had felt that the parasite had meant it when he had said it. With an exasperated sigh the parasite stood and carefully approached the window looking for signs of anymore men. There was no one else but there were several beasts. These beasts were hooved herbivores, yet they were taller than a full grown man and covered with muscle. Their fur shimmered as they moved and they reminded Kirinian of his home world. _Beautiful. Do you remember how to ride?_

_I do not know... _Kirinian replied as Cordesh cautiously stepped out of the house and approached one of the creatures. It was a beautiful animal. It had shimmering brown fur and a large dappled white patch on its rump, its legs had four white socks. The animal recoiled as Cordesh approached but the parasite easily caught the creature's reins. The parasite violated Kirinian's mind to learn how to mount it, the creature whinnied as Cordesh mounted. Kirinian felt sorry for the beast but at least it didn't have Cordesh inside its head, now that was hell.

_If I release control back to you, you will not panic will you? I had to restart your heart as your panic attack stopped it…_

Kirinian stopped short, the parasite was telling him that it took control to keep him alive. He was being held a prisoner in his body for his 'safety'. He would have preferred if the disgusting creature had left him to die, instead he was reduced to obeying the slimy little beast with no chance of freedom. It mattered little that he was on such a mighty beast, there was nothing the beast could do to save him from the parasite inside of him. _No I will not panic… _He finally replied. What was the point of panicking… there was no point, it was over… he belonged to Cordesh.

_Alright. _

Kirinian breathed deeply as he felt his body returned to him. This was a first, Cordesh had never given him control, the parasite had told him his body was not his, it was Cordesh's and yet the parasite had handed his body back to him. He numbly wondered how long it would last before Cordesh took control. The animal shifted beneath him somehow able to sense the change in its rider. Kirinian shuddered and took several deep calming breaths as he patted the animal, there was no point crying… it was over, it had never really begun.

_I had expected you to try something…_Cordesh muttered.

_Like what? Running? Why would I run, I cannot run. The thing I would be trying to run from is inside of me…_ Kirinian told the creature in a quiet tone. The words were not stated in anger and were not meant to insult the parasite, the words were stated with submission making it clear to the parasite that it had won… there was no escape. _There is no where I can go… or hide…so I will not run… _He finished sadly. _Where do you plan on going?_

_Ride my host. We will have to see where we are._

_You'll have to see. _Kirinian replied.

_No we're in this together._

_We were never in this together… It was always just you… I am the host… I have to pretend I don't exist…_Kirinian replied his mental voice filled with tears that he stubbornly held back. He kicked the animal into a walk and quickly left the immediate area not wanting to run into anymore crazy humans.

_I regret those words. Now just as much as I did then._

_You never regretted those words… I learnt exactly what you thought of me… _Kirinian replied angrily. _I'll ride for you but don't expect me to like it… _He told the parasite. Cordesh sighed at Kirinian's attitude and the host expected to be punished but Cordesh made no move to do so. Kirinian quietened and focused on the animal beneath him as it walked, the rocking from side to side was comforting and just for a moment he could imagine himself with his people. He imagined being a father riding to the nearest town to work and buy food, drink and clothes for his family. For just a moment he could imagine living. And then the parasite had to wiggle and remind him that he wasn't home and that he barely existed.

_Kirinian…I…_

_Please. Just leave it… please. _Kirinian pleaded, he couldn't deal with the parasite, he just couldn't. Cordesh went quiet and Kirinian sighed with grateful relief. The animal beneath them snorted and Kirinian leaned forward to pat it's long, powerful neck before settling back into the saddle. Cordesh remained silent and just for a short, precious moment Kirinian could dream of freedom and happiness. But that was all it was. Just a dream.


	2. Trapped

Author: Kelral Orlyana

Title: Reunion

Category: Stargate SG1 x Red Dead Redemption

Rating: Currently a T… may change as story progresses.

Pairing: None

Spoilers: The Tok'ra (Part 1 and 2) but very little of Red Dead Redemption will be revealed (perhaps a few characters but nothing more...)

Warning: Contains angst, mild battle scenes and mentions abuse and cruelty…though it is very mild.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Red Dead Redemption and make no profit posting this story.

Italics represent symbiote and host communication.

* * *

Chapter 2: Trapped

Cordesh was being very…polite. He had not spoken to Kirinian for several hours, which is what Kirinian preferred. His mind was blissfully silent and he felt at peace. The only problem was that he could feel Cordesh inside of him. The beast was deeply thinking about something, that much was clear but it kept itself as far away from Kirinian as he could.

Kirinian tried to ignore the beast, he tried to focus on a much larger, more gentle beast. The four legged creature he rode was relatively calm, but reacted to every possible danger around them, including small harmless dog like creatures. Kirinian was already tense so when the creature whinnied or neighed in fear, he tensed or jumped and became super aware. It was like he was waiting for something to happen, perhaps he was still praying for a death that would never come?

_You should stop praying for death. I will not allow any harm to come to you. _And there the parasite was! The beast could hide his thoughts from his host but Kirinian could hide nothing and the beast would not stop prying because he 'owned' Kirinian. _Is that a town there in the distance? _Kirinian frowned and glanced around. They had just come down a long curving path carved into a mountain side, so far there was no signs of life but the beast was right, there was something in the distance.

The environment was humid and hot, because of this there seemed to be steam rising from the ground and distorting anything in the distance. He could feel Cordesh trying to compensate but even the beast could not overcome nature. Kirinian merely kicked the animal into a trot and approached the town that was gradually appearing. It was obviously rather primitive, it was not like some worlds he had seen. It was small, had its own law enforcers who were clearly allowed to shoot to kill and 'interrogate'. There were bars, weapon shops and every person carried a weapon.

As he rode in people stopped and stared, talking amongst each other. Kirinian was embarrassed but he simply rode on. He knew he had to ask people about where he was but to stop in a town and ask those questions would just make him stranger and more dangerous in their eyes. They were clearly a suspicious paranoid people, he would have to be careful.

_Find someone who is more welcoming…_Cordesh instructed, Kirinian resisted the urge to role his eyes at the stupid instruction, he already knew he had to find someone 'friendlier'. But finding someone more welcoming would be difficult. Secluded towns were very, very wary of strangers. On top of that, he was afraid. He was alone, with a demon inside of him, a great beast beneath him and what were clearly violent people around him, he wanted a way out, but he was stuck obeying the beast in his head.

The people watched warily as he rode through, he quickly trotted out of the town, eager to get away. He needed to find somewhere safe, somewhere to hide until he knew where he was and what to do. He needed rest. He needed to sleep, to think on his situation and he needed the parasite out of his head!

_I am not leaving Kirinian, so stop hoping for that. _Cordesh replied angrily, finally showing his true colours. _You are my host. I will remain within you. _The beast ranted. Kirinian sighed quietly, however much he wanted Cordesh's words to be lies, he knew they were truth. The beast would remain inside him, only the Tok'ra could free him and Cordesh would simply take over and pretend to be the happy host once more. The beast sighed. _Look, I know you don't like me, but we are in this together. For what it is worth, I am sorry for my past behaviour. _

Kirinian shook his head stubbornly, Cordesh was not sorry, he could not be sorry, not after all the suffering he inflicted on his host. Kirinian would not forgive, not forget. Cordesh remained quiet, Kirinian sighed softly and focused on the animal beneath him. The brown fur was beginning to look black in the fading light and Kirinian knew that he would have to find a place to rest the horse and himself, but he was afraid of dismounting. Cordesh was only allowing him control to ride the beast, once off its back the parasite would retake control.

Finally he pulled the beast to a halt as he found a relatively flat spot with a good three hundred and sixty degree view. The beast snorted as it was stopped and shifted on its hooves as Kirinian dismounted. Surprisingly the parasite inside of him did not take control and so he was able to scavenge some fire wood and start a small camp fire.

_We will need to eat soon. _Cordesh said after a while. _Do you wish to hunt or shall I? There seem to be some small animals not far from us, so it should be relatively easy. _Kirinian wanted to say no out of spite, but his stomach answered for him, rumbling in hunger. With a resigned sigh he stood and looked around trying to spot the animals his parasite had spoken off. Movement caught his eyes and with Cordesh's help he saw small, long eared creatures, much like the rabbits of his home world. Rabbits were common on many worlds but seeing the small animals warmed Kirinian's heart with fond familiarity. Remembering how Cordesh had operated the gun before, he took aim and with expert precision he took out the small animal. The rest of the small group scattered but Kirinian paid them no heed.

Cordesh seemed to squirm as Kirinian skinned the animal without remorse, he could probably sense his host imagining that it was Cordesh he was skinning. Without no cutlery or plates, Kirinian was forced to cook the meat using some bush-craft methods. About an hour later the meat smelt cooked and he carefully cut through the small meat to find it was indeed cooked. A small bite of meat made him frown, it wasn't the greatest, it was bland but it would do.

_Go to sleep, Kirinian. I will take control and keep guard. Do not worry I will keep you warm and make sure no harm comes to you. _Cordesh said attempting to soothe his host, but the parasite did not understand. Kirinian would take on the most savage beast if it meant that Cordesh was gone. Cordesh was his worst nightmare, the one bringing harm to him. But of course, Cordesh did not know or did not care. How could it ask him to hand over control like that? After all that happened? _I won't hurt you. _Did the beast not understand that he had already hurt his host? Just by being there he had caused the greatest pain.

_I do not want to. _He simply told the parasite.

Cordesh seemed to sigh. _You are tired, I can feel it. If you do not sleep now, you soon will. You need to rest and I will guard us._

_And when I wake I will once again be in the shadows forced to watch as you do what you wish with my body. _Kirinian snapped angrily, his eyes shutting as he expecting pain but yet again he felt none. _I never want to give you control again. I never want you inside of me again! _

_I know, but I am here whether you like it or not. I will hand over control once you wake. I promise._

_You promises used to mean something, now I know their just lies. _Kirinian snapped.

_No I never lied to you, when I promise you something I always meant it. _Cordesh replied. _Do you not remember that when I was angry and withdrawn, I never promised you anything, because I did not want to promise you pain or suffering._

_And yet that was what I got. I trusted you and you turned on me._

_Forgive me. I… I do not know why I did what I did. I loved you, even when I pretended to hate you. I… I needed to behave as I did._

_To humiliate me? To torture me! There was no need for that! You betrayed me! I trusted you and the Tok'ra. Even when I saw what you looked like, I wanted to be your host! It was stupid of me and now, now I'm stuck with you. I thought… I thought I'd be free but even the Gods do not want me to be free. They obviously feel I have not suffered enough. What did I do to anger them?_

_You did nothing. They are merely giving me a second chance._

_A second chance? _Kirinian cried out with a disbelieving snort. _To do what? Damage me beyond repair, or to destroy the Tok'ra from the inside out like you intended?_

_No. To explain to you why I had to do what I did, to redeem myself. Even if you hate us for the remainder of our second chance, I want you to know the truth. _

_What truth? That you're a monster? I already know that. _

_I deserve your hatred, beloved but please just listen to me._

_No! _

_Please, Kirinian. _

_No! _

Cordesh sighed. _Just allow me to watch over you this night and I will give you control. _

_You lie, you always lie!_ Kirinian cried out angrily but he knew it was no use. He was tired and eventually his body would force him to sleep, would force him to submit to Cordesh. Even his own body was against him. Sighing he calmed. _Fine, just take control. You'll do it anyway with or without my permission. _Kirinian closed his eyes and swallowed down the bile rising up to his throat. Laying down on the cold ground he tried to relax. A few moments later his body was warm and he felt as if he was floating. He listened to his parasite telling him to rest well before blissful darkness took him.

***Dream***

_He saw me! _Cordesh cried out angrily. Kirinian said nothing but inside he was hoping that the Tau'ri would finally end the torture. _I can't… I have so much to do…but! _Cordesh was panicking and Kirinian revelled in it. Feeling the normally powerful, in control parasite finally feeling weak and vulnerable was like heaven. Finally the beast felt what he had felt since Cordesh had shown his true colours. _I going to have to… _Cordesh probably didn't even realise he was talking to his host, but it did not matter since Kirinian could not understand what his parasite was thinking.

Cordesh travelled down the hallway and Kirinian mentally frowned as they entered a councillers private chambers. "**Cordesh? What is the meaning of this?**" She demanded turning to face them. Kirinian grew very worried as Cordesh did not answer, he walked forward until he was right in front of her and…

Kirinian suddenly had control, he felt Cordesh releasing him. The parasite couldn't! _No! _He cried out trying to pull away but Cordesh had already left, Kirinian could only watch in despair as the parasite burrowed into the woman's throat and slaughtered his sibling. The other host's eyes flashed and her eyes became frightened and then soulless. Cordesh turned to face him and Kirinian could see the death threat in its new host's eyes. Kirinian swallowed, but Cordesh did nothing, he/ she merely left the room leaving Kirinian to wallow in self-pity. He had wished for Cordesh to leave but not like this! Never like this!

He didn't know how long he stayed in the room but suddenly he felt tired. Cordesh was gone but he could never face the others again. He knew he should. Knew he should tell them everything but… how could he? He couldn't face them, couldn't tell them the brother they trusted was a traitor. It was time to end it… time to end it all. He could hear a disappearing tunnel and with determined thoughts he stood and walked towards it. Just as he reached the white wall, the others caught up with him.

"**Cordesh! Come here immediately and explain yourself!**" Garshaw demanded.

Kirinian turned to face her, two Tok'ra guards and the Tau'ri. "I am not what I appear to be." Kirinian told them. He could see panic in their eyes as he felt and heard the wall coming closer. _It's over now… _He thought unaware that he had spoken similar words out loud. He heard his parasites name being called out before he felt agonising pain but his one final thought was… _Finally, it's over. _

***End Dream***


	3. Truce?

Author: Kelral Orlyana

Title: Reunion

Category: Stargate SG1 x Red Dead Redemption

Rating: Currently a T… may change as story progresses.

Pairing: None

Spoilers: The Tok'ra (Part 1 and 2) but very little of Red Dead Redemption will be revealed (perhaps a few characters but nothing more...)

Warning: Contains angst, mild battle scenes and mentions abuse and cruelty…though it is very mild.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Red Dead Redemption and make no profit posting this story.

Italics represent symbiote and host communication.

* * *

Chapter 3: Truce?

_I wish I could turn back time. _A voice told him. Kirinian frowned and turned over on the hard ground. His eyes snapped open seconds later. He was in control! The parasite had kept its word, it had given him control. This was unbelievable! Why was Cordesh being so nice? What was the demon up to? _I am not up to anything, Kirinian. _Kirinian gave a tired little sigh and stood, dusting himself off. _We will need to get more clothes. _Cordesh told Kirinian who nodded as he put out the already dwindling fire. The animal they had ridden yesterday stood patiently, nibbling on a small patch of grasses.

Kirinian quickly mounted the beast and set off following a well-used road, many people rode passed and greeted Kirinian, several coaches also passed them by. But Kirinian waited for a friendly face to appear. As he looked out for a friend, a small beast drawn cart appeared with a woman at the reins. She was obviously a hard-working woman as she wore thick, protective clothing and Kirinian could tell her skin was thick with calluses and cuts. "Howdy there. You look a little lost." She greeted. Her voice was thick with a strange accent. Kirinian mentally noted the accent before smiling at her.

"I am lost. I was wondering if you could help me." Kirinian replied. "I've ridden for most of the day yesterday looking for a friendly face but finding none."

"Well friendly faces are hard to come by in this country." She replied. "There is a lot of crime going on in this country, gangs and the like. But as long as your honest and not a bad man, I see no harm in aiding you. I'm Bonnie McFarlene." She greeted.

"I'm Kirinian."

"Strange name, I guess you're not from around here, are you?" She asked.

"No, Ma'am. I'm not."

"Do you have a last name, Kirinian?" She asked.

"Er… well I stopped using it some time ago but…well I used to go by Cordesh. Kirinian Cordesh Ma'am." Kirinian replied. "But I prefer Kirinian."

"Very well Kirinian, if I can call you by your first name, you must call me Bonnie." She replied. "Now what can I help you with."

"Well I was hoping for food, clothes, shelter for a start and then perhaps a map and some hints and tips. I don't know much about this place and if I'm going to travel it, I would like to know all I can."

"Why of course. Can I ask how you came to be in New Austin?"

"I guess you could say it was an accident. I kind of crossed over, without any idea where I'd be going." Kirinian replied. "I'd like to try and get back home, but I've no idea where I am, I have no sense of direction."

Bonnie frowned before nodding. "Sounds like you're either from Mexico or West Elizabeth. You don't look like a Mexican though, not that I'm an expert. I would guess you're from West Elizabeth." She muttered. "How about you tie that fine horse of yours onto the trap and climb up here. I'll take you back to our ranch and give you what you need so you can be on your way."

Kirinian nodded and dismounted, securing the reins to the trap before walking round and climbing onto the horse drawn cart. "Thank you ma'am. I really appreciate this; I know I'm a stranger but…"

"I know the look of a man down on his luck." She replied a soft tone to her voice. Kirinian did not ask why she had gone so sombre. It was not his place to know. "I will help you if I can but if you're in trouble with the law or up to trouble I cannot help you that much."

"I know ma'am, I would not ask you to endanger yourself. I would just appreciate some food, water, clothes and a map, if that is not too much trouble."

"Of course, it is no trouble at all." Bonnie replied with a smile. "And whilst we're at it, I'll give you a rifle. That pistol won't help you out here that much."

"Thank you." Kirinian replied gratefully. _She is a lovely woman. _Cordesh murmured.

_You will not hurt her! _Kirinian warned.

_I had no intentions of harming her. _Cordesh replied offended. _If you had listened to me last night, you would understand this. _

_I do not wish to listen. _Kirinian replied stubbornly. _There was no reason, no excuse for what you did. Keep your lies to yourself._

_They are not lies! _Cordesh snapped. _I had to do what I did! I had no choice. I was forced to behave how I did!_

_Forced to torment and torture me! _

_Yes! Listen to me Kirinian. There are traitors in the Tok'ra we have to save my brethren!_

_You were the traitor!_

_No Kirinian! I was a scape goat. Listen to me! _

_Scapegoat? _Kirinian asked hesitantly, unaware how to take the parasite's shouted words. He didn't want to believe but Cordesh seemed adamant that he was innocent. _What…what…_Kirinian couldn't get his words out. _What happened?_

Cordesh sighed. _Are you prepared to hear the truth? _The parasite asked.

_N…no. but I…I will listen. _Kirinian replied quietly, smiling half-heartedly at Bonnie as she glanced at him.

_I am not innocent, Kirinian. I am not claiming to be innocent of my crimes, but there was reason for my actions. I offer no excuses, nor lies, just reasons for why I've done what I've done. _Cordesh told him, Kirinian frowned as he realised that the parasite was hesitating, unsure how to continue. _Do you remember when we were sent on the mission to Apophis?_

_No._

_It worked then. _Cordesh murmured. _We were sent into an ambush, my beloved host. We were sent to Apophis, so he could turn us into his spies. He gave us a drug with mind controlling properties. He ordered me to be Goa'uld, to suppress my host and make you suffer. We were both ordered not to remember what had happened. But I… I began to remember, you cries for help hurt me, made me remember the days I was kind to you, made me remember the days we were bonded. I did not initially remember what had caused my hatred of you. But then one day we were sent on another mission. Another mission to Apophis. We were drugged again but this time I remembered and I realised someone in the Tok'ra, someone powerful was helping Apophis. Every time it looked like I was about to be nice to you or beginning to remember, they would send us on another mission to Apophis to be brain wash. Somehow…some way. These traitors knew what we were thinking, could see or hear our talking. I was forced to be cruel to protect us both._

_So all that humiliation…_

_They have a telepath or some way of hearing us, Kirinian. I hated myself for what I had done but I had to behave like a Goa'uld._

_What about that councillor?_

_She was the traitor. _Cordesh replied coldly. _When I found out I was going to tell the others but then the Tau'ri came and started putting the pieces together. It wasn't hard to work out I was the so called 'traitor'. So I took the chance. I took the traitor out. I died protecting the Tok'ra and they don't even know it. _

_And what about me?_

_I'm so sorry Kirinian. I've wanted to tell you this for all those years. I wanted you to know the truth, to know I've never hated you. God! Kirinian. All those times I was cruel…all those times I… I hated it, I made you suffer, like no Tok'ra should have. I'm so ashamed. _

_You mean… _Kirinian frowned. He could not believe it! Cordesh was claiming to be the innocent one, claiming he was not intentionally the traitor. But was there such a thing as a telepath or a mind reading machine. He supposed there could be, he had seen stranger things. _They could hear us privately talking?_

_Yes… but I don't think she was the only traitor. That means all hosts and symbiotes are being eavesdropped on by some traitor, who is still unknown to us. _

_But… that means…_

_No if we do return, I will never behave like that again. Never! We will hunt the traitor together this time. _

_And how can I trust what you say is true? You already betrayed me once. _

_Which I deeply regret doing. I do not offer apologies, because I do not deserve your forgiveness. But please allow me to prove that what we once had was not trickery and deception. _

Kirinian froze. Could he really give Cordesh that second chance after all that had happened? Could he accept Cordesh after the cruelty the parasite had inflicted upon him. But if Cordesh was right there was Tok'ra, a traitor hearing everyone thoughts and reporting to the Goa'uld. The traitor could be remembering relationships, home worlds, vacation worlds and so much more. The traitor had to be taken out if there was one. But what if it was a trick, what if it was lies to convince Kirinian to help the parasite? But he could not afford to make the wrong decision, if there was indeed a traitor, only he and Cordesh knew of it. But that meant…trusting Cordesh.

_I…I can't forgive you. _Kirinian finally said after a few minutes. _But if you are right and there is a traitor…then our feud is not important. The most important thing is protecting the Tok'ra. I don't want to trust you, but I have to, to protect those I love. _He told Cordesh.

_I understand, my host. _Cordesh replied. _Now… let's find a way home and protect our people. If we can, we need to find a way to block our minds and everyone else's minds from the telepath or machinery the traitor is using. _

_Yes… perhaps… this land seems primitive, but perhaps the answer lies on this world somewhere. Perhaps we were sent here for a reason. _Kirinian replied.

_Let's hope so. _Cordesh replied gently.

Kirinian relaxed in his seat. Their feud wasn't over, but for now he could rest easy for they were working together for a common cause. Returning to the Tok'ra. He smiled at Bonnie who returned the smile as she controlled the cart taking them back past the town they had travelled through and back up the mountain path. "Where are you going?"

"Back to the ranch. It's not that much farther."

"I began up here." Kirinian told her. "If I had known there was a ranch nearby I would have headed there for help."

"Well you know now and your safe. That's all that matters." Bonnie replied warmly. Kirinian could not help but grin, for she spoke truth, he was safe. At least for now.


	4. Trenchant

Author: Kelral Orlyana

Title: Reunion

Category: Stargate SG1 x Red Dead Redemption

Rating: Currently a T… may change as story progresses.

Pairing: None

Spoilers: The Tok'ra (Part 1 and 2) but very little of Red Dead Redemption will be revealed (perhaps a few characters but nothing more...)

Warning: Contains angst, mild battle scenes and mentions abuse and cruelty…though it is very mild.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Red Dead Redemption and make no profit posting this story.

Italics represent symbiote and host communication.

* * *

Chapter 4: Trenchant

"Now, Kirinian, if you bring the colt over here." Kirinian gently gripped the reins of the stubborn palomino colt. It snorted and tried to remain still but Kirinian was much stronger due to the presence of Cordesh. The colt realising it would not win gave in gracefully and trotted to where Bonnie waits for them. "He is almost ready for riding and I figured that since that bay stallion of yours is old and beginning to show signs of lameness you'd like to take him. He is a nice horse and with the right care and training he would be a very loyal companion."

"You would…"

"He's yours." Bonnie answered not letting him finish. "I owe you for all the work you've done, my friend. You saved my ranch from storms, bandits and fires. Half my life-stock still lives thanks to you and your good aim. Take the colt, he is yours."

"I am honoured. Thank you so much."

"No, thank you." Bonnie replied. "Do you need a hand training him?"

"I…I think I'd like to just spend some time with him first, I don't want to 'break' him. I don't like breaking horses; they lose their spirit and become empty, soulless." Kirinian replied. Bonnie nodded with a smile and assured him that she'd be nearby if he needed her.

_You thought of yourself then. _Cordesh thought with sadness. _Do you see…Do you feel like those horses we've broken? Do you feel that I broke you?_

_I don't want to have this discussion Cordesh. _Kirinian replied in annoyance. _I just want to focus on this colt. Unless you have anything important to say, I would like for you to stop distracting me. _

_I…alright. I'll be sleeping if you need me._

_I won't need you. _Kirinian replied. He stood and waited for Cordesh's mind to fade from his before he focused on the colt. "Aren't you a beauty?" He asked softly as he pats the white muzzle of the animal, it snorted at him before leaning in for more pampering. Kirinian smiled slightly at the animals actions and collected a horse brush to begin grooming; the easiest way into an animal's heart was through care and food.

The man and horse were quiet as Kirinian worked; the only sound was the gentle breeze and hooves in the background from horses and cattle. The colt that was once stubborn was dozing off, his head lowered and his hind leg lifted to take some weight off of it. Kirinian took his time; there was no rush, no job that needed urgent attention. Only once the colt's fur was shining did he finally lay down the brush, the animal snorted slightly at this before walking over to its stable and lying down, Kirinian followed and sat down beside it. Instead of protesting the animal ignored him and relaxed into his gentle caresses. Kirinian held back a chuckle at this; already the colt was relaxed around him just from a short amount of grooming.

_Let's hope that he will be this calm when you train him. _

_Cordesh. _Kirinian thought startled. _Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?_

_Well you were dosing off, someone had to watch over us. _Cordesh replied with amusement.

_Well I am not dosing off now. _

_Are you that eager to get rid of me?_

_You know I am! _Kirinian snapped. _But of course we both know that despite this truce I get no say in the matter. _Cordesh sighed quietly and Kirinian mentally scowled, did the parasite really think that this truce meant there were no hard feelings? There may have been bigger things going on that caused Cordesh to act as he did, but Kirinian would not, could not forget the treatment he received.

_It will be time to move soon._

_Why? What is there to move to? We have no idea where the gate is! We have no idea what time we're in! Hell! We have no idea where we are! We know nothing of Earth or the Tau'ri and you just want us to go riding into the sunset! Of course you do have an idea of what will help us, don't you? An image of the device needed to protect us from this… 'Telepath', unless you just want a solution to miraculously appear!_

_I get the point! No need for that attitude. _

_Well I've got to take the bull by the horns, this truce won't last long and once we're back with the Tok'ra I'll be the long-forgotten host once more, I'm going to take advantage of the time I have._

_I assured you I wouldn't behave as I did._

_Well, news flash, I don't trust you! Once we've achieved our goal you'll go back to being that monster! _

_I won't._

_Sure._ Kirinian's scepticism was clear in his voice. _Now. I do hope you have a plan. _

_Yes, which I would have explained if you had not decided to give me attitude. _Cordesh replied. _The Goa'uld once ruled this world, they ruled Egypt! If we can get to Egypt there will be tonnes of long forgotten technology and the gate for us and us alone! The humans have no idea what it is used for, very few tombs and pyramids would be desecrated! We could find not only technology but also Goa'uld stasis jars, we could kill them all. _

_And…_

_Well that's it…_

_Oh…so how do I find Egypt? How do we get there? Where is the money going to come from? We've got a long time and a lot of work ahead of us before we can even consider travelling! We need to earn money and lots of it! And then we'll need supplies! _

_You are correct._

_Ha! For a superior being you don't think all that often do you? _Kirinian replied proud of his victory. He knew he'd pay for his attitude later but for now he would take all the joy he could get. _Now, I have a horse to get to know, money to make and a world to learn about, so how about you stop interfering and let me get on with it! _

_Very well. _Cordesh replied angrily. _I will be here if you need me._ Kirinian snorted at this and let out a relieved breath as Cordesh faded from his mind once more. If only Cordesh would be gone from his mind forever, but Kirinian knew that wasn't going to happen, Cordesh was here to stay. _Damn it. _He cursed. A nicker bought him from his hatred and he turned to the colt, the animal was clearly annoyed he had stopped pampering it and was demanding attention, Kirinian managed a half-hearted smile as he pat the animal. _Perhaps…Perhaps one day I'll be free. Perhaps the Gods would take pity on me a second time._

* * *

A/N: - Here is a little fact for you all! :- The title of this chapter Trenchant means Sarcastic or Scathing which is rather a good title for this chapter don't you think?

Now many will ask why Kirinian is being like he is since Cordesh and he have created a truce. The fact is Kirinian still does not trust Cordesh and expects Cordesh to turn on him once the truce is over, so he is taking this opportunity to say what he has always wanted to say to his symbiote. The truce does not mean Cordesh is forgiven; Kirinian still hates Cordesh and is merely obeying and working with the symbiote to help protect the Tok'ra from the supposed Telepathic Spy.


	5. Tuition

Author: Kelral Orlyana

Title: Reunion

Category: Stargate SG1 x Red Dead Redemption

Rating: Currently a T… may change as story progresses.

Pairing: None

Spoilers: The Tok'ra (Part 1 and 2) but very little of Red Dead Redemption will be revealed (perhaps a few characters but nothing more...)

Warning: Contains angst, mild battle scenes and mentions abuse and cruelty…though it is very mild.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Red Dead Redemption and make no profit posting this story.

Italics represent symbiote and host communication.

* * *

Chapter 5: Tuition

He strode around the fenced area, preparing the horse for what was to follow. People gathered against the fence to watch as he finally bought the palomino colt into a canter, they cantered around the area once more before he turned the animal to the first fence. The colt nibbled at the bit, eager to gallop but Kirinian held him back as they strode to the first fence. Kirinian watched the colt staring at the fence and realised that he would have to watch the animal, the bigger the fences the more nervous the large animal could become. He kept firm control of the reins and kept the horse's nose under his control as they got closer and closer to the fence. As he got close enough he allowed the horse to jump, he leaned forward to give the horse more neck to lunge across the fence. The animal flew over the fence and he leaned back and gently collected the horse's head, the colt gathered his hooves and cantered away from the jump.

_Well done._ Cordesh congratulated but Kirinian had no time to reply to the parasite, that jump had been a medium sized fence, now he had to deal with the big one. The fence, made up of hay bundles was a head taller than a human man, Kirinian knew the colt could easily jump it; the question was, would he?

The horse snorted nervously at the large wall of hay but Kirinian held his head and kept him steady. He felt the hooves lose a beat beneath him and quickly compensated, he did not allow the colt to slow down or hesitate, the horse reluctant but eager to please snorted and finally focused. As the horse jumped Kirinian held his breath, he did not know how high he was above the hay bundles but by the awed muttering of the ranch staff it was pretty high. The horse landed easily and flicked its tail as if to say 'ha! No problem!'. Kirinian pats its neck and slowed the horse to a light trot. He allowed the horse to work off the excess energy before he finally bought it to a halt next to Bonnie.

"That was amazing!" Bonnie breathed. "Just to think, a year and you've already got that horse jumping those large fences."

"It's easier than you think." Kirinian replied. "It is all about having the trust of the animal, besides Firnan is made to jump, he wants to do it, he just doesn't know it yet. Now he's got a taste for jumping he should be more eager to do more, but I'll think I'll call it a day now."

"Yes, I'm sure he could use a rest." Bonnie agreed as she glanced at the heavily breathing colt beneath him.

"Yes, he needs to recover and relax, he needs to know this activity is good and the best way to do that is to reward him." Kirinian replied. "I'll give him a good brush down and feed. Bonnie, could I borrow one of your horses? I wish to ride into town this afternoon and since my last horse is now aged and lame…"

"Of course. Help yourself to anyone of the animals in the corral." Bonnie replied.

"Thank you." Kirinian replied before turning and walking Firnan over to the stables. The palomino colt obediently entered the stable after Kirinian dismounted and ground his hoof in his impatience for attention.

_Are you going to continue to ignore me? _

_Ignoring you isn't possible. _Kirinian answered. _But I cannot focus on you and the horse, you should know by now that if the rider is distracted the horse will try to take liberties. _

_Of course, but you can talk now._

_And…what would you like to talk about? _Kirinian replied annoyed as he removed Firnan's tack and gently cleaned the colt.

_Well…I'd like to know why you never told me about your love for riding. _

_Ha! As if you care. _Kirinian replied. _Don't worry your little parasitic head off, I'll get enough money to travel to Egypt, just don't interfere. _

_I know you'll get enough money, I don't doubt it. I just want to talk to you, like we used to before…_

_Before you turned on me? _Kirinian snapped. _And I learned your true feelings._

_I told you I had to…_

_I know! I know! But I can feel what you feel…remember! I felt the truth in those words! I felt the anger! _

_You felt how I felt? _Cordesh stated quietly, Kirinian startled and froze in fear. _You felt what I wanted you to feel. This is what I truly felt. _

***Flashback***

He had no choice. He could not afford for it to happen! To think Alisa had been the traitor! The one who had betrayed him and his kin! She had called the Goa'uld and framed him! How could he have known the human would follow him and find him holding the fake Goa'uld communication orb! How had she known the human would follow him?!

He had no time to waste and no one would miss him especially after what he was about to do. He could feel his host's cold hearted joy at his fear and he held back a sob, he could not tell his host how much he loved him, he could not tell the man how much of his words had been lies. It was too late for forgiveness and he could not allow the telepath to catch on to his plans, it was safer for him and safer for Kirinian this way.

Alisa looked up at him with startled dark eyes, realisation flashed in her gaze but it did not matter she would not live to tell. He felt his host's horror as he jumped from Kirinian into Elizabeth, Kirinian could do nothing but watch as he tore into her throat and ripped Alisa to shreds. The fear of the new host was palpable but there was also relief, Elizabeth had hated Alisa as much as Kirinian had hated him, the only difference between him and Alisa was the fact he had regretted his actions.

_Forgive me. _He told Elizabeth as he took control and turned to glare at Kirinian, he meant only to fear the host into being quiet but the expression on Kirinian's face showed that he was already scared. His face would remain etched in Cordesh's memory, the fear…the horror it had almost been too much for Cordesh to bare. Had he known…oh Egeria! He wished he had known…he was supposed to know Kirinian better than anyone! How could he not have known what Kirinian would do next!

The news of Kirinian's suicide killed him, he had nothing left to live for. If only…

He had gathered his shattered heart, focused on his duty. He intended to take the Goa'uld communication orb to a vanishing tunnel. He intended to leave Elizabeth and lay protectively around the ball so the vanishing tunnel would take both him and it, but the humans had interfered again. The Goa'uld orb sealed his fate, he could not speak the truth for the telepathic spy was still hidden among the Tok'ra. He did what he had to. He pretended to be Goa'uld even as his heart called for Kirinian.

When the Tok'ra went to remove him, he went willingly. He did not fear death. He apologised to Elizabeth before being removed and placed in a vanishing tunnel. He slithered to the white wall and did not look back. He heard his last's hosts sobs before pain and then…peace.

But… Egeria had other plans for him. When he regained awareness he was sharing another's thoughts. Terror and horror was clear in his host's thoughts and he realised just who he was inside. The broken pleas broke his heart and he tried to speak to his beloved but nothing he said would convince Kirinian that he was honest and that he still loved the host. Whatever Egeria planned, it wasn't working out, Kirinian did not want to forgive him and he would not ask forgiveness, he deserved the hatred. Still…as willing as he was to kill himself to please his host, there was work to be done, he had to get one last traitor…the spy.

_Forgive me Kirinian. _

***End Flashback***

_That is what I truly felt. _Cordesh told his host before vanishing from Kirinian's mind. Kirinian could not answer, he did not know what to feel, what to say… could the memory be a trick? For the first time in a long time Kirinian did not completely hate Cordesh and he was unsure what to do. For the first time ever he wanted to speak to Cordesh and yet at the same time he feared the conversation that would no doubt follow this realisation.

* * *

A/N: It is not just the horse who learnt something new in this chapter...


	6. Thinking

Author: Kelral Orlyana

Title: Reunion

Category: Stargate SG1 x Red Dead Redemption

Rating: Currently a T… may change as story progresses.

Pairing: None

Spoilers: The Tok'ra (Part 1 and 2) but very little of Red Dead Redemption will be revealed (perhaps a few characters but nothing more...)

Warning: Contains angst, mild battle scenes and mentions abuse and cruelty…though it is very mild.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Red Dead Redemption and make no profit posting this story.

Italics represent symbiote and host communication.

* * *

Chapter 6: Thinking

For the first time in a long time his mind was quiet. Cordesh had not emerged since he had shown Kirinian the memory. Kirinian was afraid, terrified in fact, he wanted to ask so many questions and yet he was afraid to ask those questions. No. He wasn't afraid to ask those questions, he was afraid of the answers, afraid of finding out what was truth and what was a lie. But mostly he was afraid of trusting Cordesh, would the symbiote merely trick him once more into believing he was trustworthy before turning on him?

He stared down at the contrasting mane before him, the white and black was a visual reminder of his inner turmoil. Was he to trust or to hate? Staring at the mane he realised that he already had the answer to that question. He could learn to trust Cordesh again, perhaps he already was coming to trust the creature again. But he couldn't put his absolute trust in the creature, he could not bear it if he was tricked once again. He realised now that he had been testing Cordesh, he was being as arrogant and angry as he could to make Cordesh angry but instead of becoming angry the symbiote had accepted the attitude. Perhaps he was being hasty in his judgement of Cordesh.

"Howdy."

Kirinian glanced up startled at the sound and saw the rider canter past. The human did not even know who he was but for some reason there was some unspoken law here, everyone was to be friendly to each other. Perhaps that law needed to be used in most if not all battles. He could not forgive but he could be friendly, at least he could try to be friendly, after all was he not just as bad as Cordesh for behaving like he was?

'Do not judge lest you be judged.' He had read that in the human's bible. If the sentence was true, by judging Cordesh he was condemning himself.

_Perhaps…_Kirinian paused, unsure where his thoughts were going but slowly realisation came upon him. _Perhaps I have been too hasty. I have been cruel and heartless, perhaps I should have listened to reason before judging as quickly as I did. _He had not even listened to Cordesh, would not even let Cordesh speak. He was better than that, he was not like that evil Cordesh. He should have listened to both sides before making such a choice. _I have behaved no better._

_You were scared and I deserved it. _Cordesh answered softly. _My actions were evil, it matters not that there was reason behind my actions, I should never have behaved as I did. I deserve you anger and I deserve you hate. You are right I deserve much more than your hate, I deserve punishment. I do not blame you, nor should you blame yourself, you were right to judge me, I know I would have done the same if I was host and I had suffered the same treatment. Do not torture yourself like this. _

And there it was…the proof that the Cordesh he had once known was there. Was Cordesh telling the truth, was that evil version of Cordesh an act? _I'm scared. _He confessed quietly. _Why didn't you…why did you hide it all from me? If it was true, why lie? I don't want to…_

_You don't want to believe me and I can understand that. I know it's hard to believe but the traitor is a telepath, if word had gotten out that there was a spy, if I had told you…It was better you remained oblivious. I know it doesn't seem it, but I did what I did to protect you, if they had known I remembered then they would have killed us both. I'm sorry Kirinian, I truly am. _

_I…_Kirinian could not work out what way was up or down. His whole perception of the situation was being challenged and he did not know what to do. Did he believe Cordesh or did he not? _I can't...I am not sure I believe you, but…I will help…I won't cause trouble anymore._

_You were never any trouble. Besides I deserved every word and every thought you sent to me. But you…you never deserved any of the words I spoke to you, never. _Cordesh told him passionately. _I cannot undo my actions but I want to try and…well I don't want forgiveness and I'm not asking you to forget, but I want you to remember the good times we had. I want to go back to those times beloved. I know…I don't deserve it, but if I die again I want to remember the good times._

_Die again?_

_Once we return to the Tok'ra they will recognise us as the shol'va, the dead traitor. Once there I will deal with the traitor and confess, I will then leave you and die, for it is all I deserve. Until then allow me this one thing, allow me to remember the time we were happy. _

_I…_Kirinian was stunned, he was not aware Cordesh had planned to die, he thought that Cordesh had planned to re-join the Tok'ra and re-take control of his body forever. He could never imagine Cordesh taking his own life but every emotion and feeling he was getting from Cordesh told him the para…symbiote was honest, but he could not trust those feelings, he had been tricked before. _I…I need to think on this. _

_Of course you do. _Cordesh replied, clearly aware of Kirinian's thoughts. _But you need to know Kirinian that I am more than willing to die and if the traitor was not a threat I would have killed myself the moment I realised you did not want me. But I promise you now, that I, Cordesh of the Tok'ra will not remain in an unwilling host, once the traitor is dealt with I will kill myself. _Cordesh's words were meant to be reassuring but they just made Kirinian doubt himself even more.

_I…I don't know what to do. _He thought.

_You don't have to do anything. Just get the money and get us to Egypt. I will do the rest. _Cordesh assured. _Now, we need to hunt, yes? The shop keepers pay much for animal pelts, meat and hearts. _

_Yes, we need to hunt. _Kirinian agreed quietly accepting the change in subject. _But I also need more than a few dollars for meat and pelts, I need to earn a few hundred at least. _

_What do you plan to do? There are not many people who will pay that much money. _

_Some people pay quite a lot for horse training. _Kirinian replied. _Bonnie told a few people of my talent and I've been asked to pay a visit to the Armadillo stables to show them how I work. If I can impress them I might be able to get a regular job with good income. _He explained.

_What a good idea. You'll be doing something you love as well as earning the money you need. _Cordesh commented proudly. _Impressive. _

_I thought so as well. I'm hoping I can find alternative means as well. I was thinking of things like riding lessons for the human's kids, maybe even tours and perhaps becoming a messenger. I'll take whatever job I can._

_I would suggest having a look inside the stores, from what I've seen they often have posters and the like up, they might give you a hint for your next job. I've seen coach drivers. Perhaps you can take part time work doing that? I'm sure many people use the 'stage-coach' and it would be a very reliable income._

_I'll just have to see how this interview goes. _Kirinian replied quietly, Cordesh hummed approvingly and they both went silent, but unlike before it was a comfortable silence. _Two wrongs don't make a right._

_What makes you say this?_

_I…_Kirinian hesitated. _Sometimes…perhaps…revenge isn't always the answer. _

_Okay…_Cordesh replied clearly confused.

_I…It's strange, I should be glad that…_Kirinian huffed unsure what to say. _I'm not sure I want you to…_

_Die? _Cordesh asked bluntly. _It is what I deserve. _

_I know it is, but…I don't want it to happen. I don't forgive you but…it feels wrong to let you die. If…If what you say is true then we need a serious talk and I…I have a lot to learn. _Kirinian stated, his nervousness and fear was clear in his voice. _Don't get me wrong, I can never forgive you! But I think I can come to understand why you did what you did…there must have been alternative solutions BUT I accept that you made a choice to protect you kin. _

_I don't want forgiveness._

_Good! Because you're not getting it! But…I want to understand. I need to understand. You owe me that much. _

_Of course. _Cordesh agreed.

_How did you know about this telepathic spy?_

_Because we were punished, when I began to remember I acted kindly towards you and helped you remember. We were sent to Apophis in the guise of a mission and then I forgot and became the traitor once again. It was not hard to work out what had happened, for I spoke to no one about my realisation and neither did you, only someone reading our minds would know the truth. _

_That doesn't prove that there is a telepathic spy._

_Ah, but I have not finished. I remember it all now and I remember Apophis telling me that I was not allowed to remember that I had to forget. He demanded that a stronger memory block be used upon me, but clearly it failed. Still, this telepathic traitor is a good spy, the can hear everyone's thoughts and therefore place suspicion on everyone else. We must take out their telepathic ability if we are to pull this off. _

_How many times did we remember and how many times were we brainwashed?_

_At least four times. _Cordesh replied. _At first, I thought Apophis was just checking and updating his handy work, but the third and fourth times we were brainwashed I knew something else was going on. You see Kirinian, we never, and I stress never, spoke to anyone about our returning memories and yet each time we ended up in Apophis's clutches. Each time it was the council that sent us meaning…_

_Meaning the telepath is close to or is on the council. _Kirinian stated swallowing loudly. _Which means the council will be more eager to trust them than us, the so-called traitors. _

_I am not going to go up to the council and tell them immediately. I am going to try and deal with the traitor and if I die in the process…no one will miss me. My name will be remembered with hate, but…at least the Tok'ra will be safe once more. _

_But what will they do about me?_

_Once they realise I'm dead and that I have controlled my death so you aren't poisoned, you will return to being the innocent host. They will most likely ask you to be host again or they will take you home. You can have the life you've always dreamed of. You can have a family and die happily when your time comes. _

_I…_

_Our talk will have to wait until later, you have almost reached Armadillo, I will relax into a dormant state so you can concentrate better. _Before Kirinian could answer the symbiote withdrew. Kirinian had wanted to say more, had needed to hear more but Cordesh was right, he had to work first. He'd demand more answers when they had more time.


End file.
